I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
