Heybabeimwearingurpanties
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
