when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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