if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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