bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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