I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
