He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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