Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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