Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
