honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
