honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
