Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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