stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
