I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
