It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
