When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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