Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
