i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
