I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
