He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
