So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
