I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
