Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
