P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
