I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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