CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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