just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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