I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
