let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
