By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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