a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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