So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
