He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
