Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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