am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i will never coherently bang her
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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