Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
