He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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