**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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