I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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