i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
