im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
