She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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