After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He felt like a one man threesome
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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