playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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