I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
