I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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