It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
