i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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