You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
