just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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