It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
